When I started writing this post, I was worried it would get all deep and emotional and freak everybody out. But it turns out I’m not even that scared. I actually found it hard to come up with five things that terrify me. Which is a good sign, I guess!
Less time with my big girl
Ok. So this one is the real kick in the guts. Waaa! Don’t make me say it out loud! It’s so huge and scary and emotional that I only ever let myself think around the edges of it. Every time it gets too deep, I back off and distract myself by standing in the pantry eating M&Ms from the jumbo Christmas tub.
When it’s just me and her, we have the most amazing fun. We don’t need anyone else, and there’s never a dull moment. I’m sad that we’ll lose our special time together, and dreading the moment when my focus is pulled away from her sunshine.
The only thing saving me from tears is that my girl is exactly like I was at her age (as my mother delights in telling me): confident, spoilt rotten and usually the centre of attention. When my brother came along, none of that stopped. I never resented him or felt like I lost the special connection with my mum. Plus, I’m still stupidly spoilt and trying to steal the spotlight at every opportunity. So I’m hopeful that a new baby will make our relationship even stronger, and we will cherish every chance we get to steal away and share some special time together.
Going to the supermarket
Shopping with a newborn? Delightful! You can pop them into the front of the trolley and talk to yourself without looking crazy (well, maybe a little crazy). I would spend ages strolling up and down the aisles, asking my sleeping newborn how much milk we had left, what flavour yogurt we should buy and which recipe I should attempt to cook that night. Sometimes it would be the only outing we had that day.
Shopping with a toddler is slightly trickier, but bribery will get you everywhere. And what is the best way to bribe a toddler? With food! Well, you’re certainly in the right place. My kid can munch her way around the supermarket for a good 30-minutes without losing her mind. It’s enough time to grab the necessities and get out of there without a meltdown (usually).
Shopping with a toddler AND a newborn? No. I just… I can’t. It seems like some sort of joke. I can’t even figure out the logistics of it. I refuse to think about this until the moment I really, really need milk.
The fact that I’m old(er)
OK, so “old” is a relative term. It all depends on the context. For me, it basically means that I’m older since the last time I had a baby. Three years older, to be exact. I feel like I’ve left it every so slightly too late to have my second, in the sense that I’ve just started to get some semblance of my “old” life back. I’m averaging around 7 hours of sleep per night (don’t worry, it’s not without interruptions), I was able to enjoy a glass of wine while watching my toddler turn into a prune in the tub, I spent weekends away with girlfriends and one time I even wore a white shirt without getting stains all over it!
The thought of dealing with a toddler tantrum while trying not to wake a sleeping baby makes me feel a bit panicky. Do I have the patience to spend 8 hours a day being torn between the needs of a toddler and those of a newborn? Are my knees up to the task of playing on the floor and standing up to run to a screaming child in a hurry? Can my skin handle the rigours of all that hand washing and sanitising?
Feature image: Living Life’s Moments