With less than three months to go, this baby is coming whether I’m ready or not. Each day is a new, exciting, emotional, scary, funny, anxiety-ridden roller coaster ride. Sometimes I’m up, sometimes I’m down, mostly I’m just busting for the loo. My thoughts and emotions are all over the place, so this is my way of getting it all down “on paper”. Here are five things I’m excited about:
1. Trusting myself
I’ll never beat myself up about the way I handled things with my firstborn. I don’t see anything I did as a being “mistake” or a “regret” and definitely don’t feel like my second baby is a chance to “get things right”. Nobody should be that tough on themselves. After all, we don’t get handed a manual or achieve special powers after giving birth (although, I do have eyes in the back of my head now). We just stumble along blindly trying to get through the days. Second time around, I’m looking forward to trusting my gut and loosening my grip a little. I’m going to accept help when it’s offered, admit when I’m feeling overwhelmed and learn to laugh at the poo explosions instead of crying. I got this.
Thank goodness I never dressed my daughter in frilly, frou-frou, girly-girl baby clothes (although now that she’s a toddler she’s choosing to dress herself that way regardless). I went through all her old things last week (yes, I kept it all and yes, it still smells like her) and was delighted to discover that most of her onesies are neutral colours and still in good nick. Yes, I know it shouldn’t matter if boys wear pink blah blah blah but even I draw the line at dressing a boy in anything with a lacy ruffle on the bottom. My firstborn was never much of a chucker, so nothing smells like vomit. Most of her old clothes will be perfect for the baby, leaving me more time to… well let’s be honest, I’ll probably still shop online (what else is maternity leave for?).
3. An instant tribe
I’ve written about my awesome Mum’s Group before (check it out) and I’m so excited to have a built-in tribe this time around. Three of the girls have had babies in the past year, and another is due 6-weeks before me. So each Friday we will descend one someone’s house with our rag-tag bunch of kids for a weekly debrief. I can’t wait to palm the baby off to someone while I stare zombie-eyed into my coffee, or sit back while one of the other frazzled mums tries to placate the toddlers with snacks. There’ll be none of this “I’ve got it all together, I’m showered and my baby isn’t covered in vomit!” rubbish. We know it’s a tough gig. We know each other’s coffee order. We know bras are optional.
4. Labour (no, really!)
No, I haven’t completely succumbed to baby brain. I’m genuinely looking forward to giving birth again! Sure it was painful and if I think about it too much I start to panic (see, I’m being realistic!). But I trusted my body, trusted my partner, trusted the people around me and it was the most incredible day of my life. Plus, I’m longing to see that look on my partner’s face again (mostly because I forgot to buy him a Christmas present this year… he deserves a treat).
Last time around I had to be induced, so I didn’t get that whole “It’s happening!” moment, frantically grabbing my hospital bag as we raced out the door. I always thought that bit sounded like fun. Ok, so maybe I’m deluded. But if I’m lucky enough for lightning to strike twice and it all goes swimmingly, we might even take another crack at this whole baby thing (hahahahaha, OK now we can blame baby brain!).
5. Watching my baby become a big sister
I have to write this bit quickly or I’ll start crying (again). My daughter is almost three, and everything she does makes me laugh. We love her so stupidly, ridiculously much that sometimes my partner and I think we might be a bit weird. I’m sad that it won’t be just me and her anymore, but this baby is SO lucky to be getting her as a big sister. I’m so excited to give this gift to her (sure beats the toothbrush I tried to pass off as “a special treat” yesterday). The thought of seeing her little face when she meets her brother or sister for the first time has become my latest happy thought. To be honest, I can’t even write about this eloquently or beautifully because there are too many emotions getting in the way of my brain and my keyboard. Can’t speak. Much love. Many feels. The end.
Feature image: Living Life’s Moments